Confidence: Breaking Up With Comparison

I don’t quite remember where I saw it, perhaps on Facebook or Twitter, but there was a Tumblr post that made the point that if Christmas lights and flowers are both beautiful, but look nothing alike, why should you be any different?

Meaning, that we are beautiful, even if we don’t look like someone else whom we’ve deemed beautiful.

Beauty doesn’t have only one face. There isn’t only one way to achieve this status of beauty and confidence.

Your Confident Friend

I’m sure you have one. If not a friend, then an acquaintance. Everyone knows someone who always seems to have it all together. Like they could walk into any room and just… own it.

If you aren’t that friend, you probably envy her. Wish you had her tall stature or her wavy hair. Wish you possessed those bright eyes that say, “Listen up”.

Here’s the danger of envying her though: no matter how much you envy and pine to mimic her, you will never be her. And as the cliche goes, you will always make a better you, than you will a copy of someone else.

If you really want the confidence your friend has, ask them how they got that way! Odds are at some point they felt just like you. Or even if they didn’t they will share with you a peek inside their brain and simply adopting their mindset could catapult you into a new position of confidence.

There’s No Confidence in Comparison

Comparing yourself to others does the exact opposite of what you want. It won’t show you the way to be, instead, it will simply bring you down. Comparison is not constructive when it comes to your self-esteem. So don’t do it!

Back to my original quote, you know the one about the lights and flowers, remember you might be a flower looking at a bunch of lights. Just because someone else is shining bright doesn’t make you dim. And flowers are just as beautiful as Christmas lights even though they look different and serve different purposes.

The only way to achieve confidence is either by the Fake It Till You Make It method or by learning to stop comparing and embracing yourself AS IS. Confidence is not achieved by reaching some goal, it comes from truly accepting and loving yourself.

Helpful Tricks

Whenever you see someone and notice something about them, remind yourself of something great about you. Comparison is a hard habit to break, so instead, try to add to it. Don’t let comparison bring you down, but instead be a reminder to love the things about yourself that make you, you.

Need help? Go to friends and family and ask them to give you one specific compliment (None of this, “you’re beautiful” generic crap).

Then write all these down so when you feel like you’re coming up empty you can default to them. We are our harshest critic, so even if you don’t believe the comments, they must have some truth or else no one would have said it to you.

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